A Love Letter to My Hair

Dear Hair,

 I know we've had our issues in the past. We've had great times and bad times. We've had nail-biting waits where you were covered in foil or simply waiting atop my head to be revealed in an entirely new way. Whether you were soon to be black, blonde, red, or purple, we've always stuck together, doing our best to help each other along the way.

Remember that time we left the bleach on you for too long? You came out beautiful but so weak and almost gummy in places. Or the time we had to spend two weeks with that awful reddish brown color after the hairstylist stripped the black? We've come a
long way since then, haven't we? I know you still have some healing to do, but I'm glad we held on through that. I did my best to nurse you back to health, and now look at how far you've come!

We've always had a mutual love for hair dye and that's probably one of my favorite things about our relationship. That . . . and the fact that I cut and style you. It's the best way that we can mutually express ourselves and it makes me
giddy from head to toe! (Or root to tip, in your case.)

I hope our relationship always stays this fun and exciting . . . where neither of us ever know what color or cut we'll shoot for next. I'm sure we'll continue to have our close calls and even our fights (I know you don't like the straightener, but we have to have some compromises), but I know we'll always come out on top together.

I love you,

Kirsten Erin

I Might Just Be Mental

Sometimes I feel like my laptop is a sentient being.

When I'm reading a particularly good book or have an idea that keeps turning itself over in my head, this little MacBook Air of mine seems to loom bigger and bigger in my mind as if it's calling out to me.

"Write!" it pesters incessantly. "Why aren't you writing? Aren't you the one who calls yourself an aspiring author?"

Of course I want to write. The problem is multifaceted and cumulates in a lack of focus and far too many ideas ricocheting off the boundaries of my mind. Nothing's cohesive. I know where I want to go with some stories and the premise of others, but it's like the moment I've got that going for me, by brain freezes up and my fingers seize.

My laptop scoffs. "Maybe you should just give up," it jeers. "Everyone else is better at this than you. They've all at least finished a rough draft of their manuscripts. You just keep getting stuck after the first ten chapters then ditching it and it's cluttering up my files."

I sneer and go back to reading or watching YouTube, doing my best to ignore its nagging. I have to figure out how I want the opening to work. I have to hash out the story first. I can't write down some half-baked idea and call it a manuscript.

"That's what editing's for, dimwit. It doesn't have to be perfect the first time around."

But I want it to be perfect the first time around! I want it to be the potential I see it having. And I have other things to do. This isn't my entire life after all.

"Isn't it what you want your entire life to be? Writing? Publishing books?"

Shut up! I'm doing the best I can. I'm reading like a maniac over here, trying to learn as much as I can through what others have done. As John Green would say, it's the best apprenticeship I've got.

"You just ended that sentence with 'I've got'."

I groan. That's besides the point. The point is that I'm learning right now. You can't expect me to do everything at once.

"Practice makes perfect. You can set a little time aside at the very least. What was that quote you used to be so fond of? Oh yeah, 'The way you define yourself as a writer is that you write every time you have a free minute. If you didn't behave that way you would never do anything.' -John Irving. Or 'Learn as much by writing as by reading.' -Lord Acton. Or even that one from Ray Bradbury, that author you look up to so much, 'Quantity produces quality. If you only write a few things, you're doomed.' I win."

Not fair! You can't just bombard me with quotes I like and win the argument just like that. Okay, maybe you've got a point. *sigh* Fine, I'll get to writing already. I'm not saying I'm gonna type up a novel in the next week, but I promise I'll stop procrastinating somewhat and at least write for an hour or two every day. Scout's honor.

"You weren't a girl scout. They didn't let you in the troop because the lead mom hated you, remember?"

Enough with the low blows already. You already won.

Just let me finish one more chapter of Suite Scarlett first. Things are getting intense right now . . .

Fun Stuff

She needed to wrap her "burn" too. 

So I almost used a picture of my nasty burn as the picture for this post. You're lucky I didn't. I just figured it had already nauseated enough people already. It looks much worse now than it did in the "day of" picture. You're welcome. You got an adorable picture of my niece instead.

For those of you who aren't up to date on my medical issues, I recently sustained major second degree burns on my thighs due to a Starbucks Venti Chamomile Tea landing in my lap. Fun stuff, right?

Anyway, I ended up going to hospital that day to get it treated. They prescribed a cream to fight off infection and hydrocodone (which I didn't take . . . I don't cope well with things that make me loopy).

On Tuesday, I went to the dermatologist to have them check up on it and they gave me more of the cream, along with some antibiotics. I have to go back on Friday to get a steroid cream that ought to prevent scarring.

So I've basically been bedridden since Sunday, since the location of the burn makes it difficult to walk. I'm thinking I'll be able to walk around a bit more tomorrow, though, which is good because I have stuff I desperately need to take care of (aka. fixing my haircut, turning in library books, going to appointments, etc.). In the meantime, I've been chilling on the couch in the living room and sleeping in my parents' bed (remember, they're in France), which is closest to me and also downstairs.

Also, guess who called Monday? A possible employer that wanted to set up an interview. *facepalm* This would happen the day after I wound myself. Thankfully, when I explained my situation, they said they could call back next week and schedule one then. Success! Prayers for getting this job would be much appreciated. I'm sick of the job hunt.

Back to the wound, I have relatively high pain tolerance in general, so it wasn't entirely unbearable. The worst part of the whole ordeal, pain-wise, was when I had to wash the wound Tuesday night. That was excruciating and, looking back, I should have made an exception to my "no hydrocodone" rule for that one. Only cried three times this week overall, though. I'm kind of a boss.

My little brother has been taking care of me all week, which is quite a task for anyone. He makes me food, brings me the things I need, and even gets clean clothes (including the dreaded underwear) for me when I clean my wound/take a bath, because my room is upstairs and that's currently out of the question. Chull is the best.

Starbucks, by the way, has contacted me recently and filed an incident report, since my injury was partially caused by a lack of following procedure. This means that I can send in the out-of-pocket expenses that I accumulated through this injury and they will review it and possible compensate me for it. Also, as an act of goodwill, they're sending me a gift card in the mail soon. So, thank you Starbucks! No hard feelings over here, but I'll definitely be sticking to cold drinks for a while.

Anyway, that's all for my little life update. Thanks for everyone who has taken care of me, asked about me, and prayed for me. Y'all are amazing!

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day, Pa!

Had to go to the hospital for second degree tea burns I sustained at Starbucks this morning.
Fun stuff.  (Yes, I'm blonde now.)

Had my grandma and good friend over to spoil me with a hot fudge sundae.
:)

As you can see, Father's Day has been particularly interesting. But hey, at least it was memorable. Haha.

I love you, Pa. And it's a good thing I'm your favorite. ;)

Growing Up

My brother. Yes, that's a half-chewed grape in his mouth.

Growing up is a terrifying ordeal.

I guess I'd better specify exactly what it is I mean by "growing up." When I refer to growing up, I am basically referring to the age group consisting of seventeen to twenty-two year olds (and possibly older). This is a time in nearly everyone's life where they are trying to figure out exactly what they want to get out of life and how they are meant to make that happen.

This sentiment -- this feeling of terror in the face of the unknown -- is one that many are familiar with. Still, the realization that others are dealing with they exact same questions you are trying to tackle somehow doesn't make you feel much better. This is likely because we all realize that these aren't questions that anyone else can truly answer for us; rather, they are decisions we each have to make on  our own.

Up until now, our parents have been the decision-makers in most of the big dilemmas our life has presented us with. They generally had the final say at the very least. Now we're supposed to strike out on our own to "find our fortunes" ( that's a Howl's Moving Castle reference, for those who care). It's terrifying and exhilarating all at once.

On the one hand, it's scary trying to move from being supported to supporting yourself, finding where you fit, and where you want to be. On the other hand, it's wonderful when you feel like you're finally getting closer to accomplishing those dreams you've desired for so long and it feels like the world is at your fingertips.

Coming from my own prospective, I have the potential and the desire to become a published author. There's much I have to do in order for me to accomplish that dream, but it feels doable now. There are times when I can almost taste it. But there are also times when I feel like I'm looking through the wrong side of the telescope and all of my goals are comically out of reach. I feel out of place in my hometown (particularly after living in Paris, France) and I'm literally itching to get out of here, but my circumstances have determined that I stay for now.

It's like those cartoons from when I was a kid where the person trying to get the horse to move dangles a carrot in front of its nose to keep it going, but the carrot is always out of reach. There are times when I wonder if I'll ever reach the carrot at the end of the line or if it'll always just be a dream and never a reality.

I realize I sound a bit melodramatic and I apologize for that. Still, it's a legitimate feeling that I know I'm not alone in experiencing. It's a big world and there are so many opportunities to shoot for the moon; but at the same time, there's such a potential for failure that it can nearly paralyze a person at times.

All in all, I know its all in the hands of God. He knows exactly where I (and everyone else) need to be and if I listen and follow, I'll be able to finish the race. Trusting Him is key and listening to His voice is more than necessary.

Still, what I wouldn't do for a couple of neon signs to point the way for me right now . . .

This Crazy Life

Birthday shopping with amazing people

I guess this is sort of an update post. Just a head's up on what's been going on in my life.

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago. You may have noticed that I switched my age from "19" to "20" a while back. It's nice being able to say I'm not a teen anymore. Plus I only have one more year until I'm legal to drink in Texas. You have no idea how much I've missed beer. I may sound ridiculous saying it, but it's true. Just like I missed Dr. Pepper while I was in France.

Altogether, it was a good birthday, though. I got some pretty cool gifts from my family and friends. I had a lovely day spending time with those same people. I did end up at a sports bar I didn't know existed in our suburb (don't worry, no drinking of alcohol took place). Let's just say I'm really not the sports-watching type and we definitely felt our IQ points dropping by the minute.

My dad, Uncle Henry, and myself before he got so sick

There's recently been a death in my family. Anyone who follows me on basically any social media site knows this already. I've only mentioned it about a thousand times. It was my Uncle Henry that died, my dad's godfather and one of the funniest and most kindhearted men I know. He was in his late eighties and the situation had been deteriorating for some time now. His Alzheimer's was getting steadily worse and my Aunt Lois was having an especially hard time taking care of him, so I suppose his passing was in his best interest.

Still, it hurt like a blow to the chest. I sobbed when I found out, I cried at the visitation, I wept at the funeral. Everyone in my family cried -- even my dad, whom I've never actually seen shed more than a single tear before. As you probably guessed, that set me off crying even harder.

He meant so much to me, and having to say goodbye hurt more than I could have imagined. I wish I could have spent more time with him and gotten to know him better. I wish I had more pictures with him. I wish I could remember more of his stories. They're all wishes everyone grasps at when a loved one dies, but that doesn't make it any less truthful. His death reminded me how fragile the human life is -- and how we ought never to take it for granted.

A glimpse of my tattoo. :P

In much better news, I got my tattoo on Friday. I love it. It's everything I wanted it to be and the experience was wonderful as well. Alika, my tattoo artist, is incredibly friendly and makes you feel at ease immediately. Not to mention, I'm inherently fascinated by tattoos, so watching him ink both my friend and myself was an incredibly interesting process. Yes, I did watch the entire time I got my tattoo. No, it didn't hurt that bad. Yes, I would and will do it again.

Oh, by the way, it says "Words are our most inexhaustible source of magic". Also, it was on my bucket list, so that's another thing crossed off and one of my New Year's Resolutions completed!

Still no news on the job front. I'm just a tad irritated about that, so I don't really want to talk about it. Crossing my fingers that something will come through soon, though.

My baby brother graduated from high school this weekend, though, and I couldn't be more proud. It's easy to forget that we're not the same age, that we aren't twins, because it feels like it at times. But there's nothing like sitting beside your sister and screaming for your little brother as he crosses the stage to receive his diploma. Two years after my own graduation, my parents have now officially succeeded in getting all three of their children through high school.

Isn't he just adorable?!

Being only seventeen months apart, Mitchell and I have always spent a lot of our time together. I'm not ashamed to admit that he's been my best friend since the beginning and will be my best friend until the end. I'm eternally grateful to my parents for instilling the mentality in us that our siblings will be the only friends that will always be there for you no matter what. And I'm eternally grateful to have the amazing siblings who have always lived that, even when being difficult runs in the family.

Speaking of siblings, Mitchell's graduation meant that Miranda came back in town for a week. We don't get to see my older sister very often, seeing as she lives in Michigan, and it's always nice when she comes down. The last time we had seen her was at Christmas while we were still living in Paris.

I'm always happy about sibling bonding time and I definitely got that with Miranda this time. Seeing as things were pretty crazy with preparing for Mitchell's graduation, that left Miranda and I free for some quality time. She was the one with me when I got my tattoo and all three of us started watching a new manga (well, new for Mitchell and I) called Gurren Lagann that she loves.

Myself and my big sister waiting for the DART after the zoo

The day before she left, Mitchell had already left for senior trip and Mom had gone back to France. Both she and dad were due to leave on the next day to go back to their respective homes. So Miranda decided we should go to the zoo.

Frankly, the idea of zoos freaks me out. Large animals caged only feet from human contact? You can count me out. But Miranda seemed so excited about going that I conceded and went with her to the Dallas Zoo.

We actually had a lot of fun. Miranda fed the giraffe and nearly died with excitement about it, we rode the monorail and agreed that the guide was incredibly attractive, Miranda freaked when we saw the baboons having sex while I nearly died with laughter at her reaction. We even got to take pictures at the photo booth, and anyone who knows me well enough knows how much I adore photo booths. They're my absolute favorite. We almost rode the carousel too, but chickened out when we realized there were a lot of kids and no adults. We decided to wait until we had a kid with us so we wouldn't look like complete morons.

All in all, it's been an interesting couple of weeks, both sad and wonderful. Mostly good, though, and I'm quite happy about that. Life is always changing and I'm excited to see the places that it's taking me.

Twenty

The weird outfit is my Tae Kwon Do uniform. :P

Tomorrow is my twentieth birthday. That means today is my last day as a teenager. Want to know what I did? Homework.

(Okay, I did work in a few episodes of LA Ink and an unintentional midday nap.)

It's a little scary, standing here on the brink of my twentieth birthday. I mean, I know nothing's going to change between today and tomorrow. I won't magically gain bundles of wisdom and whatnot. I won't become suddenly cleverer or more independent.

I'm excited for the same reason that I'm a little worried. I mean, by birthday really just serves as a more obvious reminder that I'm getting older and closer to the dreams I'm trying to make a reality for myself. It's a landmark of where I've been and where I'm going.

I have so many things that I hope to accomplish in the next few years of my life. I have so many dreams and imaginings that make me more and more excited about life. My mission is to reach my dreams and experience life to the fullest and I can't wait to do that.

It's funny when you look back at where you thought you would be when you were a kid. People change so quickly and it's crazy when you think about it. A couple of years ago, I had plenty of ideas of where I would be at this point. I thought I had my life basically planned out. It turned out nothing like what I thought it would be! I didn't expect to have the friends I do now or have lived in Paris, France. I had thought I would be married by now or on my way to graduation college. Neither of those are in my near future now and I don't want them to be. Even looking at the person I was when I graduated high school versus who I am now is pretty weird. I've changed plenty, mostly for the better, and I love who I am today.

I guess it's just weird when you look back at who you are, what you've become, and who you hope to be. Certain things have been constant all the way through, like my writing or my walk with God, while others have shifted substantially or fallen by the wayside.

I couldn't be more excited for life and where it's taking me now. If y'all haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a dreamer (understatement of the year) and devising plans for my future is almost as exciting as seeing myself accomplish those goals.

So, 20, I'm ready for you. This year's gonna be good.

Following Your Dreams

Ice skating: Not one of my greatest talents

My time in Paris is coming to a close soon. I leave on March 31st and it's such a bittersweet thing. On the one hand, I am super excited to see all the family and friends I have at home; but at the same time, there are so many wonderful family and friends here that I will be leaving.

The prospect of going back to Texas both excites and scares me. As much as I've loved my time in Paris, it has felt quite a bit like I'm putting my life on pause. Now it's time to press the play button and start moving full-force toward those dreams that I have been looking forward to and holding so close to my heart. All those plans I have been making are going to become actions soon enough. It's exhilarating and terrifying.

One of the things I have loved so much about Paris is all the amazing people I have met. So many young people are giving their everything to follow their dreams and they aren't afraid to take a leap of faith or two to get there. It's so inspiring to see these wonderful people fulfilling their heart's desires.

At times, my own dreams seem so far away and nearly impossible. It seems like every time I give voice to a new goal or another part of my dream, there's always someone who responds with, "Yeah that all sounds well and good, but logistically . . ." and it makes me want to scream! Every day someone does the impossible. Every day someone reaches that dream that once seemed to be the most unlikely thing possible.

What I've learned from all this and from each of the people I've come in contact is this:
Always chase your dreams. No one else is going to chase them for you. And if you let others convince you that your dream isn't valid, you'll spend the rest of your life wishing you had chased it instead of listening to the people who were "just looking out for you".

I understand that people will always have concerns with the way I live my life or the way I follow my heart, but that's something that ultimately comes down to me. I have to make the decision to do what I want to do or to listen to the skeptics.

I can't wait to see what lies in store for me in this journey of life. It promises to be one amazing trip and I can't wait to see who else I will meet or what else I will accomplish along the way.

Just Being Me

So the story of my hair in recent weeks has been a rather obnoxious one. Just a month ago, my hair was black with a streak of purple in it and though I loved the colors on me, I wanted a change. Yes, I wanted all of my hair to be purple.

At the River Seine with my brother and sister

Being the smart kid I am, I decided I would go to the hair salon and ask them to make it as blonde as they could get it. I didn't want to tell them I was going to dye it purple when I got home because I thought the hair stylist would try to talk me out of it and I just wanted to do it my way.

The process was hell. I spent six hours in that salon getting my hair stripped and stripped again. 6 hours! That's a ridiculous amount of time to be stuck in a hair salon with a French stylist who laughs every time he looks at your hair and tells you, "No more black. Never again," as if I had chosen my previous hair color for the sheer purpose of making his job harder. Believe me, buddy, I wasn't enjoying myself any more than you were.

After those 6 excruciatingly long hours of torture, I walked away with coppery brown hair. Since I had been stupid enough not to tell him I wanted it purple (or better yet, bring the purple dye with me for him to put over the bleached hair for me), he had to put a color over it before sending me home. The lightest he could go without frying my hair worse was that ugly shade of brown that, though it did match my eyes, irritated the crap out of me for the next two and a half weeks while I waited for it to heal up enough for me to bleach it again.

Definitely not my favorite hair color. :/

After some intense conditioning, I decided my hair was ready and I bleached it yesterday morning with some product I bought at the grocery store the day before. It worked relatively well. Though I'll definitely have to learn to spread it more evenly next time. (That's what you get when you don't even have a color brush to work with.) I let it air dry afterward, not keen on damaging it further with blow-drying, even if it would make the dyeing process move faster.

Yikes! 

A few hours later, I pulled on the dyeing gloves once again, pulled out my purple hair color and went at it! I was terrified I would miss a few spots and, true to form, I did. But overall, it came out as nicely as I had hoped.

Think I got enough dye on my face?

So I'm now sporting purple hair, which I've been dreaming about doing for quite a while now. One of my best friends is always saying, "Everyone should dye their hair their favorite color at least once in their life." Well, my hair is now my favorite color and I have to say, I'm really loving it!

It's a tad brighter than this, but it'll get even lighter the more I wash it. :)
(Also, ignore the frizziness)

I'll have to go super easy on it for the next few days, but I can't tell you how excited I am that I finally had the nerve to dye my hair a "crazy" color. I love it!

Officially A Vlogger

*Edit 2/1/12*: I figured out how to edit the video on my computer and did so, then uploaded the edited version and deleted the original. So the new one is not as bad as I say below. Still, I could do with a bit more editing expertise. Haha.

So I decided to finally do what I've been whining about wanting to do for months now. I've started to vlog!

Being a huge fan of YouTube and following multiple vloggers, you eventually hit a point where every time you watch a new video by someone you've been following, you go, "Aw, that looks fun. I wish I could do something like that." I hit that point somewhere around May of last year and most of my friends can attest that, "Dude, I wish I had a vlog," has been uttered by yours truly almost daily since.

So I finally did it. I posted an "Introduction" vlog, which my brother has already picked apart. I'm definitely going to have to play around with editing, because the whole one-take-wonder thing is not going to work well for me.

Anyway, I've decided to make my vlogging a bit of a project, or at least that's what I'm calling it. I'm going to post a new one every Wednesday, basically going over what's happened in my week or just whatever I feel like talking about and go from there. I've committed to doing this for a period of about 6 months.

If you decide to watch it, that's awesome, but you'll likely have to bear with me the first few weeks. I'm still getting the hang of things and I am virtually clueless when it comes to video editing -- which means I really need to play around with that before I upload the next one.

Hopefully this will be a fun experience and by the end of it, I hope to have learned plenty from it. So here's the first vlog, if you'd like to watch it. Feel free to subscribe!

A Quoted Love Affair

In my sophomore year of high school, I took a Creative Writing class where my teacher had us buy an index card case to collect quotes in. Whenever we heard or found a quote we particularly liked, we were to copy it down on an index card and keep it for later. I took to this project immediately and thus began my love affair with quotes.

Cheesy as it sounds, it really is a love affair. There's something about finding that inspirational few sentences, that beautiful turn of phrase, that captures something profound that just appeals to me. I still have that index card case. In fact, it's sitting right beside me, looking a tad worse for the wear, and filled to the brim with collected quotes that I like to thumb through every once in a while. And, every once in a while, it does come in handy.

One of my first assignments in Introduction to Humanities this week was to find a quote that you feel represents you. I immediately grabbed my case and chose the one my sister had found for me and posted on my Facebook page a few weeks ago. 

"I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I'm afraid of." -Joss Whedon

But there were quite a few runners-up that I was rather sad I couldn't post, so I've decided to post them here instead. Oh, the cleverness of me! (Anyone catch the Peter Pan reference there? No? Okay, moving on. . .) So here are a few more of my favorites:

"Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties." -Erich Fromm

"Be yourself. Above all, let who your are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish." -John Jakes

"These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves." -Gilbert Highet

"Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." -G.K. Chesterton

"Let there be goblin hordes, let there be terrible environmental threats, let there be giant mutated slugs if you really must, but there also be Hope. It may be a grim, thin hope, an Arthurian sword at sunset, but let us know that we do not live in vain." -Terry Pratchett 

Le Louvre

Well, I currently have a jacked up right wrist that may or may not be broken and a swollen and scraped up left knee. In case you're wondering, I'm typing with my left hand right now.

These injuries are the result of a bike ride around Paris with my siblings and dad which culminated in three near death experiences on my part along with the aforementioned injuries. The last one was when I acquired the injuries. I'm still not entirely sure what happened-- one moment I was riding my bike skirting around some heavy traffic and the next, the bike was flying out from under me. I hit the pavement, looked up to see headlights, and scrambled to my feet and off the road before I could become roadkill.

Anyway, the injuries made wandering through the Louvre, packed to the brim with tourists and art fanatics alike, a tad less enjoyable than usual. Still, I enjoyed it immensely.

I spent most of our time there wandering through the Italian paintings, gathering as much information as I possibly could on each new beauty I chanced upon. Dad is always sure to get the audio guides where you type in the numbers by exhibits and the narrator fills you in on all the history, details, and quirks. God, I love wandering through there. There's something about those paintings that just reaches out and takes me captive.

Art museums like the Louvre appeal to me for two major reasons.

The first is my love of beauty and my love of art. I don't know how to describe it as thoroughly as I would like. Everyone appreciates beauty, of course, it evokes an emotional response in the viewer that few other mediums can. It's something about the colors, the lines, the lighting. It's quite similar to music in that way. Some pieces inspire one person and leave another impression less, yet the power and force of that beauty remains.

The second is probably the geek in me talking, but I love to learn. I love amassing knowledge and museums make me feel like a dry sponge plunged into a bucket of water, ready to soak up as much information as my brain can manage to process. I suppose that's another of the many reasons I enjoy reading. I love to learn.

Overall, it was a good day, even with my arm in a brace and pressed so close to my body that I could nearly absorb it in order to keep it from being jostled about by the crowd. I had the privilege to witness a ton of awesome all together. One word of advice, though? Go somewhere else for lunch. The food there is terrible.

Neglect

I've decided that it's high time I stopped neglecting this blog and use it for what it was intended to be-- an outpouring of my quirky and strange personality into print.
So here's what's going on in my life right now:
1) I'm currently living in a town called Waxahachie with my soon-to-be-married best friend, Kerri. I work at a daycare that she found me a job at and I love it. The kids can be terrors sometimes, but I adore them (most of the time). I spend most of my time with Kerri and her fiance (who spends every waking moment of his free time at the house), except when I go visit my hometown on some weekends.
2) My family (aka. My parents and younger brother) is currently living in Paris, France. No, we're not French-- which is very obvious if you've ever met my very Texan self. No, we have only been living there since August (as well as the three months spent thee in 2009). I go back on December 20th and will be staying there until roughly April.
3) For the few of you who read my post at the beginning of the year concerning my wanting to read fifty books this year-- I'm currently a fourth of the way through book fifty now! Maybe I can hit sixty by the New Year?
4) I participated in NaNoWriMo this year. (Google it.) Sadly, I failed, seeing as I kept rewriting because I didn't like the first few chapters. However, the program did give me enough of a push to actually start writing the story that's been bouncing around in my head for months now. I'm 7,849 words into it and it's titled, "Loyalties". So let that jump-start your imaginations.
5)Lastly, for those of y'all who follow me on FanFiction, I'm still working on the "We Run the Papes" sequel. I haven't scrapped it or anything, so you can stop holding your breaths. Oh, and I've titled it, "How the World Turns". It might change, but I like the sound of it. So, then again, it might not.
So there's your five point update on the life and times of Kirsten Erin. Hope things are interesting enough for your tastes.

Judging a Book

"Don't judge a book by it's cover."

How many times have you heard that saying? For me, it's one time too many.

I was at W.H. Smith, one of two English bookstores in Paris, today. I probably spent about two hours there, because I am one of those people who haunts the store until I'm sure I've seen every book. I like to know my options and am especially fond of finding a good book I haven't heard of yet. 

Since we moved back to Paris a month ago, I have hardly stopped reading. I just bought the last book in the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins today; I'm currently reading Brisingr, the third book in the Inheritance Cycle series by Christopher Paolini; and have read more than a few novels. It's like a feeding frenzy of books. I'm just devouring them systematically and loving every second of it.

Anyway, the point of this post is the fact that this phrase popped into my head while I was perusing the merchandise in the bookstore. I realized that I almost always judge books by their cover. In fact, it's pretty rare that I don't. Let's face it, though. How many books have you picked up recently with crappy covers and fantastic stories? Probably not too many.

I don't do this intentionally. An interesting cover tells me a lot about the story inside of it. If the cover is captivating, I at least have to pick it up and read the back. If the cover is boring or creepy, it's highly unlikely that I'll even bother with it. That is, unless I've heard a few great reviews. 

(Example: Looking for Alaska by John Green was a good book. It wasn't fantastic, but I liked it. The cover is extremely cheesy, though. I wouldn't have even bothered to read the back if I hadn't heard so many good reviews for it. Then again, I almost didn't read it because the back didn't convince me any more than the cover did. . .)

Moral of the story?: JUDGE EVERY BOOK BY IT'S COVER, KIDS.

Just kidding! Sometimes it's okay to judge a book by it's cover. The cover says a lot about what's inside of it. It's the same way with people. You can find out a lot about a person by the way they look and the clothes they wear. But don't be deceived! That's not all there is to the story and sometimes covers can be deceptive. Sometimes it's worth the plunge to find out maybe the cover wasn't so representative of the story after all. 

Basically, there is no moral to the story. This is just the rambling thoughts of a nineteen year old girl who's a little too introspective and reads way more than is probably healthy. 

Worthy of Love

I don't have a crazy salvation testimony. I was saved when I was five and rededicated somewhere around the age of nine. It wasn't anything spectacular. There was no chorus of angels or near death experience. I just realized I loved Jesus and wanted Him in my life forever.
Thus, when I was asked to write my testimony for a personal tract when I was in an Evangelism class at CFNI, I was a little worried about what to write. I know so many people that have had these crazy things happen to them  and while I've gone through my own share of crap, it's never been something astounding or even something I'm cool with sharing.
Finally I decided on an experience that actually happened to me while I was in attendance there-- the Lord dealing with my insecurity. It's a journey and this was only the catalyst. I still deal with insecurity and likely will have to fight it for the rest of my life, but I'm okay with that because I know Who I have beside me.
So here's my story:

I sat in a chair in the middle of the room, tears streaming down my face as my body convulsed with sobs.
Two minutes ago, I'd been avoiding my youth pastor's eyes, desperately hoping I wouldn't get picked next for prayer. I knew I needed it, but that was exactly why I didn't want it. It had been my mentor who ended up calling me out, though.
Two minutes ago, I'd been focused on holding in my stomach so everyone wouldn't see how fat I was. I'd been focused on keeping myself from crying so no one would see how ugly I looked when I cried and so no one would know what I was feeling. Neither mattered now. The only thing I could think now was, "I'm in so much pain! It hurts so bad!"
I'm sure I looked a mess. No one else sat down in the chair and started sobbing before anyone started praying. But it didn't matter anymore. All I knew was that a burden had been wrapped around my shoulders for so long and I just wanted it off. I wanted nothing more than to be rid of this pain that encompassed nearly every waking hour.
That night, the Lord healed me from my self-hatred, self-condemnation, and massive insecurity. I carried that burden of feeling worthless, disgusting, and ugly for so long that the burden had become a normal weight- I can't remember a time before then when I didn't shoulder it.
The emotional scars came the way scars usually do: careless words; a comment here, a rejection there. As a child and later as a young adult, I had unwittingly harbored these things in my heart. Satan whispered his little half-truths until I would accept the full-blown lies as truth.

"She's so skinny, yet she keeps talking about how she needs to lose weight. She probably thinks you look like a cow."
"No one's ever going to like you. I mean, what is there to like?"
"You're just irritating them. Why would they want to hang out with you?"
"Ew. Look at that stomach. No one will ever find you attractive."
"All those people who rejected you before? They obviously had a pretty good reason. Get over it."

On and on they went, spinning their little webs around my heart until it was entirely ensnared. I had my good days, where I thought a dress looked pretty good on me, or hung out with that one person that I knew actually liked to hang out with me, though I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.
I knew that God found me beautiful and fun to be around. I knew He loved my personality and my body. I even knew that thinking badly of myself was insulting His handiwork, figuratively spitting in the face of God. Still, I groaned when I saw myself in the mirror. Still, I cried when I finished a beautifully romantic movie, because I was certain that could never happen to me.
But on that night, the people on the Paradigm leadership team called it out of me. They "read my mail" and cried with me when they saw what I was going through. They helped me give up that little girl who saw a whale when she looked in the mirror and that young girl who couldn't figure out why no one wanted her around.
Then we were silent as I listened to what the Lord was speaking to me. It was one sentence, but it sent me into an entirely new set of tears- tears of joy. In the deepest part of my heart, He whispered, "You are worthy of love."
My countenance changed immediately and I knew that the pain had stopped. I felt so light. I've never felt that light in my entire life. The weight slid off and I suddenly felt like I could fly because I didn't have to carry that burden anymore. Jesus had picked up up, thrown it over His back, and I don't have to carry it ever again.
It's so easy to listen and agree with Satan when he feeds you lies. He's constantly doing it. He uses people to make little digs at the things we struggle with the most. He whispers half-truths that seem whole, all the while using it to eat away at our souls. He masks condemnation as conviction, hiding behind twist Scripture and twisted Truth to prove a point.
You don't have to believe Him!
God finds you beautiful/handsome! He sees you as worthy of time, effort, love. He finds you intoxicating when you worship Him with your whole being. He cries with you when your heart is heavy-laden. He cares about us in a world that would rather cover up our flaws than help us fix them. He calls you His treasure and sees you as more valuable than life.
That's why He gave His life for you on the cross so many years ago. He thought of you as He was executed for sins He did not commit- sins you did commit. He died so you could have a life with Him, because He enjoys your heart! He loves you enough to want to spend an entire eternity loving on you and spending time with you. How can you feel worthless or of so little value when the King of Glory calls you beautiful and His own?
It doesn't matter what anyone else says. Your family, your friends, those people who shaped your insecurity, they're all just as jacked up as everyone else. They don't know what they're talking about and through that, Satan will take whatever foothold he can get in your heart. The lies of Satan are potent and the longer they are left without dealing with them, the more they fester, the more they grow, until they threaten to take over your whole world.
Hand it over to God. You know what those lies are.
What's holding you back?

Hello, World!

Hello, everyone! Welcome to my new blog!
Kirsten Erin, here- formerly of Living Water. Yes, I've moved blogsites. Why?
1)The other one wouldn't let my put up posts anymore. :(
2)I thought it would be nice to have a fresh slate.
3)Because I said so.

Here's a little bit about me:
-I have a fantastic family made up of two rock awesome parents, two older sisters, one younger brother, one brother-in-law, and two drop-dead-gorgeous nieces.
-Like the summary says, I'm an 18 year old homeschool graduate who's currently attending Bible college and loving it. I didn't even plan on coming here until a month before classes began, but God has directed every step and clearly wants me here for a reason.
-I love to write... like a lot. Therefore, it follows that I'm an avid reader. I write both fiction and non-fiction and read the same. On here, I'll likely be writing non-fiction, but maybe I'll give y'all a tidbit or so every once in a while.
-I'm a comic book nerd. DC Comics all the way!!! My favorite superheroes are The Flash, Batman, and Robin (Tim Drake). Don't mess with my comic books or I'll mess with your face.
-I love knitting and crocheting, I usually practice the latter more due to it being much faster than the former. I tend not to have enough patience for knitting, but I still really enjoy it.
-Umm.... flowers make me ridiculously happy? This is true, but I'm not sure why I'm telling you this other than the fact that I'm rambling now.

Well, that's all for today. I'll write about something worthwhile eventually! :)